We constantly talk to ourselves about everything and everybody. Fortunately, at this stage in life, unlike little children, most of us have learned that a lot of our inner chatter (self-talk aka that little voice inside our heads) is best kept to ourselves. I think of self-talk or these two opposing voices in our mind as the wolf and the protector.

(Scientists report that the brain works on three levels to create awareness: The conscious mind governs awareness of the present and helps in determining right and wrong. It communicates with the outside world and the inner self. The subconscious mind accounts for 50% of the brain’s capabilities and deals with memory. It is in continuous contact with the unconscious mind. The unconscious mind is where our beliefs are stored. It drives behavior through individual thoughts and feelings, instinctual desires, and things we can’t easily access. Source:Self-Talk & Your Unconscious Mind | ninakhoo.com)

Lakota Indians refer to wolves as intelligent ‘divine dogs’ and symbols of guardianship and loyalty that are worshiped as spirits of nature.  Well, being urbanized, my worldview of these animals is different. It tells me that these are dangerous predators always ready to attack. Translated for me — the wolf represents negative self-talk or manifestations of fear, doubt, and the lingering impact of past traumas. These negative inner voices ooze seeds of jealousy, insecurity, impatience, and greed while seeking to exploit the weakness of others. Recognize negative thoughts for what they are — manifestations of fear, labels that others give us and the lingering impact of traumatic experiences from the past.

Conversely, the voice of my protector is positive self-talk. It’s the internal monologue that tames my inner critic, champions my hopes and dreams, softens the blow of failure and disappointment. Its forgiving selflessness reminds me of my strengths and talents when necessary, and, if given sufficient attention, neutralizes the negative voice of the wolf.

Our inner dialogue shapes our beliefs and designs our reality. So, the obvious question is, are you controlling your self-talk or is the wolf controlling you. Create your mantra — a statement of positive reinforcement — that you silently repeat over and over until it is stamped on your soul to help you control the carnivore that roams your mind.
Remember, I’m on this journey with you.

I was surrounded by family growing up. So, during the holidays, more than any other time of the year, I’m conscious of the obvious disconnect in countless family relationships today. 

Consequently, I have profound respect for a woman I know who, to maintain the bond of love and support among her immediate family, from grandchildren to the adults, regularly convenes family meetings to address confusion that may potentially weaken their bond. 

But what about us for whom that strategy does not work? 
​
Remember, ‘the walking wounded’ are plentiful among us.  So, for those of us who yearn for close family ties, perhaps we should start by attempting to identify and understand the countless possibilities that feed hurtful difficult family connections such as:

• Generational differences powered by conflicting philosophies of how we see the world and our place in it,
• Lies and misdemeanors drizzled down from one generation to the next,
• Jealousy and lingering often baseless resentments,
• Feelings of entitlement,
• Sibling rivalry,
• Lack of honest discussion to dispel misunderstandings, 
• Family dynamics or unique patterns of relating to each other,
• Taking family for granted, and
• The fact that some people are simply emotionally crippled and deprived of the capacity to form healthy, mutually nurturing relationships.

Isn’t it strange how we can forgive the indiscretions of lovers, friends, even strangers on the streets? So why can’t we release those often exaggerated feelings that compromise harmony within our families?

Let’s do our best to enter this holiday season by releasing all grudges and bitterness. Life’s too short. Wise counsel that may assist in mending family disconnect is presented by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr’s 1934, The Serenity Prayer. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.” My postscript for this petition is “especially the disconnect in family relationships”. 

Remember, 
I’m on this 
journey with you.

I’ve struggled with many aspects of my life. However, my husband has been a blessing. Of course, he’s not perfect. But he is damn good. He’s usually forward-thinking, open-minded and direct, generous, mature, affectionate, responsible, honest, respectful — and he still makes me laugh. An added bonus is his unwavering compassion for Black folks.
​